Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
