Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
