At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
