how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How's work?
Spinning.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
