dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
