My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
