Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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