so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
