How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
