While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
