so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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