She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
