how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
sex in a hospital.. check
Randomize
