My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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