Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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