Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i now understand why vodka
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
