you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
