respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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