Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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