Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry _H2OPOLO_ hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(240): View more from Maryland

No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye

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(330): View more from Ohio

Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.

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(562): View more from California

My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners

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(713): View more from Texas

Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.

Fav 5 476 904
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(317): View more from Indiana

He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua

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