They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
