In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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