She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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