Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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