I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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