i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
