I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Porn is love you can see.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
