You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
