happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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