mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
