it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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