do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
