What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
