I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
