lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
