My brain says no but my pants say off.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
