UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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