Can Purell be used as lube?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
