Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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