Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
