I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
3 2 1 whiskey
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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