Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
