Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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