K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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