yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
