Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
