I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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