Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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