I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
