I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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