Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
