remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
