Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
how drunk are you?
Several
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
