My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
