I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
God I need to hump something, right now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
